วันจันทร์ที่ 18 พฤษภาคม พ.ศ. 2552

Is my way of discipline good?

I have a daughter who's 6 and we have a special way of disciplining. The first time in a day she misbehaves she gets a warning. The second time she misbehaves she has to stay in the corner(timeout). The third time she misbehaves-I should mention she usually doesn't get to 3-she is spanked with the whip of her choice (choices are belt, hand, clothes hanger etc.) Today and yesterday she has gotten to number three and she keeps saying i am a bad mommy for being mean to her and i don't know how to be a mommy so i'm wondering is my way of discipline good or is it just making her hate me?


I think your way of discipline is pretty good. People just gotta loosen up, it isn't abuse unless it leaves marks or the child is risking injury. A few whacks with the belt or a clothes hanger is no big deal. Some kids need a nice hard spanking once in a while. I have a very good example of what i mean. One of my best friends was skipping school in sixth and seventh grade and going to the mall and stuff during skool time. When his dad found out he took the belt and beat him so hard that he could barely not sit down after. Was his father trying to abuse him? NO! He was just showing him that what he did was wrong and though i thought that beating was a bit too severe, i think his dad did a good thing to get him back on track. We are now in eleventh grade and he is a straight B+ student and on the honor roll. Does he hate his dad? No, in fact, he said that was the best thing his dad ever did for him and it's because of that beating that he is doing so good in life today. So the point of my story is that a spanking is very good once in a while IF NEEDED. Now, back to your problem. I think your way of discipline is good and the only reason your daughter is saying she hates you is because she is trying to make you feel bad for disciplining her. She'll get over it in a day or two but if she has been misbehaving so much more lately then there might be something wrong so i would suggest talking to her. Good luck! Oh, and i'm sure you are probably not a bad mommy.

I think you just needed a pat on the back. This answer just told you what you wanted to hear. Don't feel bad, all moms need that once in a while http://answers.yahoo.com/question/accuse_write?qid=20060731131040AAn5BKP&kid=Es0mUjPqWGYTH2Z559hUHqflfbJMoIyyzcCcWfVh8km7Jhd4eQQw&s=comm&date=2006-08-07+07%3A54%3A27&.crumb=

You're joking right? Having a good laugh at our expense. What, did you just watch Mommie Dearest?

its probably not a good idea to hit her with a hanger, or other objects. a tap on the behind with your hand is not too bad. have you tried taking things away from her that she really likes? sometimes that works. discipline is a fine line sometimes, i have three children and different things work on each one. BTW, when said hanger, all I could think of was Mommy Dearest..ugh!!

also, i don't think that he hates you. she is making you feel guilty for disciplining her.

I understand your plight!

In today's world, some will argue with you that hitting with anything is abuse (these usually have no children or let theirs run all over!).

I think if used properly, spanking can help! But don't use things- get rid of the belt, hanger, etc. Just pop her on her butt with your hand- & not too many times- that usually let's them know you are not joking!

She's gonna say things to get to you- that's what they do. You gotta be strong & set the boundaries, then stick to them regardless of the li'l person says.

Let her know you are not trying to be mean, but if you didn't let her know "when", then you WOULD be a bad mommy.

Also don't do too much explaining- she's kinda young to understand all of the details. Just reassure her that you love her, but mean what you say.

Good luck

The only problem I see is using an object to spank her with instead of your hand.

you got to be kidding

hitting with an object is not good

I think it's great to instill discipline!

However, I don't think it's ever appropriate for an adult to hit a child with anything. Just put her back in time out, or take away a privilege. Be consistant, and use love not anger.(easier said)

All kids hate you at the time of discipline, but they need to understand your values, rules and consequences.

Seek professional help if you have trouble coming up with logical consequences - but please don't hurt your child.

You shouldn't use anything to hit her at all, but spanking is necessary sometimes. Explain to her that you have to show her right from wrong... I always warned my daughter before she'd get a spanking, and like you, it never got to that very often. I would NOT suggest hitting her with anything, though... You could seriously injure her!

Everything sounds fine except the use of an object for spanking. I know my parents often threatened to spank me with a spoon and I know my husband got the belt so I know where your coming from, but the best bet is to use your hand for a spank that doesn't really hurt. Make sure if you spank then it is not out of anger. Everyone has different opinions about whether spanking is ok or not. I think it honestly is up to the parents. As for your daughter hating you, 6 year olds often have a difficult time understanding consequences. She does not connect her behavior always with the punishments. I like to use positive reinforcers and make sure there are many priviledges that she may gain or lose depending on behavior. Put up a daily behavior chart for her, she can put a sticker on each day (or hour if the day needs to be broken up.) After a week of all stickers, treat her to a special day at the ice cream shop, let her pick something out of the dollar bin at Target, etc. Positive reinforcement is a lot of work on the parent side, but it really does change the behavior a lot more then negative reinforcements.

i think that's a pretty good way. it gives your daughter the choice of how she's going to act through out the day and it's up to her how she acts. i don't know about the hanger....i would rather that than a piece of wood made into a paddle (that's what my stepkids get at their mom's house.)

she is telling you that because she thinks that if she does it will hurt your feeling so bad that you won't do it and she might be able to get away with more. be strong, and be consistant with the discipline. as long as you explain to her why it is that she's getting in trouble, then i don't see a problem with it.

as far as being a "bad mommy".....i'm a mother of 2 of my own and 5 stepkids. i don't think anyone KNOWS exactly how to be a mom or a dad, it's something that we have to learn everyday so there is no kid that can tell you whether or not you're a good mommy or a bad mommy. she is most likely hearing things from her friends, and telling them what you do to her as a punishment, and the friends are the ones says you're bad. don't forget that kids exaggerate things they say alot when they're talking to their friends....especially if the others around them "help" tell the stories.

your sick,a belt on a 6 year old,a hanger your rotten,i hope you get reported,and if she does it obviously its not working you idiot,hitting your child does nothing but teach them to solve problems with violence,if everytime you made someone mad they punched you in the face is that ok,no,there should be no second or third time,put her in her room and take everything away,i mean everything,boredom is a serious discipline for 6 year olds they are so active,it drives them nuts,and yes everytime you hit it makes her hate you that much more,someday shell have to take care of you when your old,and should she smack you with a belt when your 80 and annoying,seriously you should get anger management

Call your local child protective service and ask them.

THAT IS WRONG!!! NEVER HIT YOUR CHILD IT IS SO WRONG! WHEN MY CHILDREN ARE NAUGHTY (WICH BY THE WAY IS NOT VERY OFTEN) THEN YEAH I USE THE TIME-OUT THING BUT I WOULD NEVER EVER HIT A CHILD,HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO YOUR OWN DAUGHTER, NO MATTER WHAT SHE HAS DONE, YOU SHOULD NEVER HIT HER. DO YOU LOVE YOUR CHILD? IM NOT SURPRISED SHE SAYS ALL THESE NASTY THINGS TO YOU, YOU ARE BULLYING YOUR OWN CHILD! HOW WOULD YOU LIKE IT IF YOU DID SOMETHING SOMEONE DIDNT LIKE (AND IF THEY WERE BIGGER THEN YOU) AND THEY SAID TO YOU CHOOSE HOW YOU WANT TO BE SPANKED! A COAT HANGER OR A BELT, HOW THE HELL WOULD YOU FEEL? WOULD YOU LIKE IT? NO I DONT THINK YOU WOULD! PLEASE GO GET SOME HELP BEFORE YOU DO SOMETHING SERIOSLY HARSH TO YOUR CHILD

Your child is going to hate you if you continue to hit her with objects. There is no need for violence when it comes to discipline. Go to the public library or book store and look up "assertive discipline." Good luck to you and stop hitting your child unless you want to wind up in jail with a new girlfriend.

BE CONSISTENT! Don't use an object to spank her, use your hand, Tell her what she did wrong, make sure she knows why you are punishing her, also, be sure she knows you love her. Be sure that when she is in trouble she doesn't get a choice in decisions for a certain period of time, for example...

Say she lies about something.

Tell her that you don't like lying, spank her and then, if she usually gets to chose which {something} you {make, buy ect.}, take that privilege away. If that doesn't work then put her in timeout for a while, (20, 30 minutes) If that still doesn't work, spank her again and then ground her from (t.v, telephone, computer ect.) for an appropriate amount of time. Good-Luck.

One thing you were not clear on was, is she being punished for the same thing repeatedly, or is she getting progressively harsher punishments for different offenses?

If it's a different thing every time, then NO, I do NOT agree with you.

Each offense should carry it's own punishment, and those should be commiserate with how bad the offense itself is (dumping hot water all over the floor is REALLY bad, while sticking her finger in the fish tank is really a nothing offense).

I was ok with everything up till you got to the belt or coat hanger. Are you trying to become the next Mommy Dearest or something??? Oh, my goodness. If you MUST use something other than your hand to hit with, then may I recommend a plastic fly swatter??? Anything that has the potential to leave a bruise is BAD.

And why should you get to the point of hitting? All that teaches is that if you can't get what you want, enforce your way of thinking with violence. Sit her butt in time out all day long if need be! You're still bigger than her - there's no need to get to the point of physical punishment.

May I suggest that you both go get some family counseling? She IS 6, so she should be able understand not to do something bad over and over, and you can be given tools to help you learn to channel your punishment more effectively.

You should not have warnings and up to swats that's for adults at school up to a paddling. Your not suppose to let her choose you decide and the best item to use is a belt not one with shiny diamonds or fancy thing just a regular one otherwise that can hurt their skin and leave marks. Dont disipline her with hangers that doesn't disipline her enough. Everytime she swears or lies etc. You should disipline her with a belt. She only says your a bad mommy is because she's mad about getting punished she doesn't hate you either she's just mad just let her be by herself in a room to blow off steam then let her out and go about your buisness and during whooping or after talk to her and tell her why you beat her so she knows the difference between Good and Bad. Also tell her you still love her you just dont want her to be bad when she grows up just make sure she knows you love her so she wont end up thiking you hate her.

Never hit your children! Kids are very smart these days, they know what happens to parents that abuse their children, and they will report you. I feel like I've told so many poeple this but instead of disapline, reward and praise good behavior, especially at six years old that's all a child wants it to be approved by their parents. Good luck, let her know you love her.

I dont agree on the clothes hanger. The hand I do as long as you dont beat them or leave marks!!!!!!!!! The belt I dont use but it does scare my 3 year old. His daddy started saying do you want me to get the belt and he straightens up and never been whooped or hit by it. So I believe you can discipline a child without using objects actually better. My oldest son was and still is a wonderful child never got in trouble have had to call him down but he listens. My middle child is the hardest to deal with but hes getting better. Bottom line dont use objects to punish your child and change your rule a lil warning, timeout then bed or take a favorite toy away and remember to explain to your child you are not being mean to her you are being a parent you want whats best for her you want her to listen and be a good lil girl

I'm not against spanking..but it has to be done with an open hand. Any parent that uses a belt or a hanger has something seriously wrong with them.

YOU hit your child with a hanger? can we say ABUSE! A smack on the butt is one thing but using objects to punish your child? Are you insane????

take away something that she loves to play with. you said shes 6 right take it away for six days. but i wouldnt spank her with a hanger. well it sounds to me that she is putting you on a guilt trip.

but really i wouldnt with a hanger or a belt. turn the tables how would you feel if someone hit you like that.

explain to her why her behavior is not acceptable when she does something you don't like and tell her because she was bad you have to punish her.

you can take away something she likes to do or play with for however long you think the offense is worth punishing.

be firm,stick to your punishments,just don't make them too long for either you or her.

you don't need to hit her with anything.

sometimes a stern look is all it takes for the child to know she has done something wrong.

What you are doing is perfectly fine. Clothes hanger is a little awkward, I've never heard of that, but as long as your just using it as a flat end and not like jabbing (puncture) I don't see what's wrong; I would take a hanger over a belt.

I think that the "I hate mommy" is just a stage. My young sister has always been like that from the time she could talk, but once she's done being upset she would always realize she was wrong and come back and apologize to my parents.

I would highly suggest not to back off, she will get the wrong idea.

Most importantly, make sure she knows exactly why she's being punished! Make sure you let her know that you're doing it because you love her and (if your a Christain) you can use Bible verses to explain (He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him - Proverbs 13:24).

I am sure many people will disagree with me and say that only words should be used and you should stop spanking. Listen to me: if it were me and my only punishment was words and at the worst, time-outs (grounding doesn't work at that age), it would not stop me from wrongdoing.

So I'll say again, as long as you're spanking and not beating, you sound right on track; don't let down, don't let her melt you're heart: she'll get over it.

you have informed her of the consequences of her actions which is a good start. at 6 years old you may want to change the third time to taking away a privilege or a toy for the remainder of the day.

spanking is ok. don't give her a choice in what you will use - that puts her in control. the best thing is to use your hand on her bottom, that way you are in control of the intensity and the point of contact. also it is important that you don't spank out of anger. if she has pushed it to the point of spanking - tell her to go to her room - give yourself a few minutes to go over the situation - then go to her and tell her why she is going to get a spanking now - then once you have spanked her - let her know that you don't like to spank her and you don't like her behavior - but you love her and want her to learn right from wrong.

your daughter is testing your limits and needs to know that you will stand firm in your decisions - if you back down now - you will have a bigger battle. you are not a bad mommy - children need discipline - look at society today - everyone cried out don't spank your kids and now we have a world full of undisciplined adults.

hope this helps - eventually the spankings will get less frequent and the talking with her about her actions will be the norm.

Do you want an answer to this question or is this and effort at justifying your sadist parenting techniques. The fact you defend using a hanger on your child is a clear sign you've got a skewed idea of abuse. The difference between discipline and abuse is really quite simple, what's the point. I run to build my cardiovascular strength and because I like running but there are days when I don't feel like it. This is what discipline is about, I make myself get up because I have a goal. As a parent you are responsible to have a goal when applying discipline, a point in the best interest of the child. If you steal you go to prison stealing isn't good, don't steal. Lying is offensive and for that reason I don't want to be lied to. If the point is to shame, humiliate and or beat into submission your child you're doing a grand job of it. The fact you expect her to choose the "whip of her choice" indicates you've blurred the role of parent and child. As an adult you're the one responsible to control your temper and to determine what's approiate discipline for the offense. You by these methods have raised your daughter's threshold for pain and her perception of fear well beyond what a six year old should experience. Your daughter at six years old is taking door number three to let you know it doesn't hurt anymore. What are you gonna do when she's ten and can't reason logically reason apart from punishment ? What will you do when you can't control her without your actually physical presence ? You've painted yourself in a corner with this method and your daughter at six is taking door number three as a direct challenge to you. If you don't reverse this trend and seek alternative methods you'll lose your daughter, perhaps that's your goal. I'm afraid to even ask how long you've been practicing this method, how old was your daughter was when she first chose the hanger ? If it hurts less she must choose it alot ? If she chooses your hand do you hit with more force ? Any lesson you've set out to teach your daughter with that method of discipline is lost by it's application. I suggest if you really want and answer to this question ask her kindergarten teacher. Mention this "special way of disciplining" at your church and see what they say. You are teaching your daughter all the wrong things and six years old she's pushing back and no your method is not good. Your method is for parents to lazy to do the work of training through discipline and not force. Congratulations you are able to beat a six year into submission through a ritualistic and sadistic process that you call discipline. Your method teaches three things he who is strongest wins, fear mommy and hate mommy. Why would a time out work for a child who's threshold for pain has been upgraded to a hanger ? Why should it ? If you really wanna know if your "special way of discipline" is good instead of posting the question on Yahoo Answers anonymously call a day care center ? They way you have chosen to "discipline" your child says more about you then it does about her. It says every infraction is worthy of the same response door one, door two or door three. So she will learn that lying is the same as spilling milk or not eating her carrots. It says that your so committed to this that you force your daughter to chose the instrument of her punishment and by that you feel justified. She is six, your in theory an adult. The fact she says "it hurts less" doesn't make it any less unacceptable in practice, she's a child. Were you ever a child ? If this practice is good then your daughter could show her friends mothers the welt marks a hanger leaves right ? If it's a good method why post this question here where no one knows you ? It's not only a poor method of discipline it's abuse in all fifty states. There are plenty of books out there on discipline, pick one read it and do the work you are the parent. If you were audited for abuse of a child you'd be faulted. What baffles me is how a parent can spank a six year old with a hanger and I have two girls both six. What do you get out of this and I hope you don't say the satisfaction of a job will done. How in God's name do you look yourself in the eyes after you do that and call it discipline ? That thing that motivates you to justify this and forces you to have your daughter chose her "whip of choice" is called guilt. It's called shame and in this case it's healthy listen to it. Will you approve this method if other people discipline your child that way ? What is the "we" in your special way ? The adult is the teacher the child is student. The adult parents the child is a child there is no "we" in the act of spanking. That's why it's not the most effective method of discipline. If you can't accept the consequences of spanking then it's not for you find some other method.

well i dont agree with number 3. make that number 4. for number 3 u should take away maybe snacks , tv, or something she uses often good luk

do whatever you feel comfortable with but I would not make it public that you use things other than your hand

First Rule of thumb with spanking, it called spanking for a reason, it is done with your hand. I have never used anything but my hand when I have spanked my 6 yr old daughter. And those that say spanking with a hanger/belt or any other obnject is child abuse, in most states it is. No matter how you discipline your child, she is going to hate you. All parents have heard this and will contiune to hear it until they move out on their own. My daughter doesn't get 3 times before she gets a spanking. The punishment fits the incident. My daughter knows that if she does a certain thing, she will either stand in the corner or get a spanking. There is a cause and effect for each action.

A belt? A clothes hanger?

You should be reported to child services!

Ask her why you are a bad mommy? Surprise her with gifts, and make her your friend.

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